We’ve all seen the competition among moms. Motherhood is a scary place at times, and adding the competition to the mix makes it worse! This week, the moms of The Mommy Mindset and I discussed our views on competition among moms. Read on and share your thoughts as comments below!
Lena: I am much more ambitious in work environment, than I am in a mommy army, but mainly because I know that mama drama and competitions are such a energy sucking hobby. I almost enjoy telling one of my friends that I got something new, because I know within the next couple weeks she will get something better. Is that bad?
Ashley: Not so much competitive as I like to see where my son is in comparison to other children his age. None of my friends have kids, so I admit, I’m an amateur when it comes to parenting. I’m always asking where other kids are in development in comparison to him. It helps me know what I should work on more or what he is doing great in. I do think competition exists though, which is a shame. I notice it a lot in my “mom groups”.
Emily: I’ve noticed it a lot in my area. I find that moms are judging the “gear” that other moms have, the clothing the children wear, what kind of food the kids are eating, etc. Personally, I put my money towards things that are important to me & inline with my values. Having said that, I have a hybrid stroller and feed The Boy organic foods. But, I dress him for the playground in clothes from Target and Old Navy. I don’t understand why there is so much judging, perhaps it stems from the judging that we all did as teens in high school?
Ghada: I don’t get that kind of competition that you’ve described Emily. Maybe it comes from boredom. I find the mothers that are the most competitive about the gear and clothes are the ones that have always been that way in their own lives – the best clothes, the best phones, the best makeup, etc…Of course, I can’t help but notice where my kids fit in compared to others in their growth, BUT I never turn it into a competition. Plus, I think with number 2 I am less concerned about where my kids fit in. They are happy, healthy and growing just fine!
Mary: I’m with Ghada – I am at a place where I may not seek as much approval from other moms as I did with my first but that is not say that I truly did in the first place. When my first was born, I was pregnant with five other woman in my office and out of them, one lost her baby, one became a great friend and one constantly wanted to compare our baby’s growth and development. She would often try to bait me into comparing and sometimes I feel for it. It got to the point where I would not even mention my son when she was around. Eventually she finally stopped but the I joined the early childhood PTA and was thrust back into it. We should support each other, not tear each other down. 
I appreciate your taking the time to participate this week Lena of Way2Goodlife, Ashley of Maryland Momma’s Rambles & Reviews, Ghada of Mama goes BAM, and Mary of I Need a Playdate.
What are your thoughts on competition among moms? Why do you think it exists?
About Emily
I tend to stay away from mommy competition. It annoys me lol. I love the different takes on it, it’s nice to see other views.
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I avoid these things like the plague. I suspect a lot of the time, it’s the need for external validation. I don’t need to carry a Vera Bradley diaper bag to feel like a good mom. And the lady at the playground who carries one doesn’t automatically become a better mom because of it.
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This is one of the reasons I don’t get involved in a lot of school activities. I can’t stand how snooty and conniving and just plain mean some moms can be! I mean come on you are the ADULT and should be setting the example for your child! I agree with Mary – we should be supporting each other not tearing each other down!
I don’t compete with other moms. We all have different situations, resources, values & beliefs. Just because I do something differently than another mom doesn’t make either of us better or worse. Being a mom is hard work so lets stick together instead of tear each other apart!
Well said! I feel like that should be printed on cards we could hand out to the moms that are busy judging rather than parenting!
That is why I don’t tend to have a lot of mommy friends. The competition or comparison is just to much for me. I would rather my kids play with other kids where I don’t feel like their moms are constantly judging everything
I started having children much younger then most of my peers so there wasn’t really anyone to compare my first few kids to. It was only after #4 was born that I started spending time with mothers of young children and by then I was confident enough to know that they’re all different and they all get there when they’re ready.
I’m so nervous about this… My roommate has a 14 month old girl, and when my baby comes (in just a week!) I’m afraid the competition will begin between the little ones AND their mommies. I’m not a competitive person, but I do know she and I have VERY different parenting styles (she’s super laid back, I’m very hands on). Maybe we’ll balance each other out? I also do the natural thing, and she hates the idea of cloth diapers, public breastfeeding, using baking soda and vinegar as cleaning supplies…
I’m sure that you and your roommate will adjust. It’s difficult when a friend has such different parenting style than you, but keep doing things the way that you want to and know that you are doing what is best for YOUR baby.
Congrats – and best wishes for a smooth delivery and a healthy baby!